Prejudice 101

I have been thinking about prejudice a lot lately. Not only the kind that we mostly think about when we think about the word, but the fact that we pre judge so many situations and people in our lives. One of the gentlemen that I have been listening to, Dr. Jarrod Spencer said that the mind is always looking for a reference point. Something to help us make sense of a decision or a situation. In Bible Study this week, one of my favorite humans, my uncle Rev. Oliver Daley spoke to us about the judgment of others that is not based on fact. We don't know all the facts but we make a judgment about the person. That caused me to think about a situation that unfolded at work earlier that day. Because of behavior that someone has exhibited in the past, I jumped to a conclusion that I shouldn't have. My mind's reference point went back to what that person had done in the past and without having all the facts, I jumped to a conclusion about that situation. We do that to each other all the time consciously and unconsciously. If in every situation our minds go back to a reference point and we respond based on that, what if the reference point is incorrect? If I am a Caucasian and don't have a lot of people of African descent in my life, what is my reference point? What I see on the news? If I am of African descent and the only Caucasians I interact with are at work and they do not treat me with respect, what is my reference point? What if our reference points about another race are based on history or family stories? This reference point reaction also goes beyond race relations. The brain is always doing it. What if I am coming out of a bad relationship and I think I am ready to date again. When the first disagreement happens in my new relationship, what is my reference point? What if it is not even a disagreement but the person does something that reminds me of the person that really hurt me? I might not even want to give a new relationship a chance because of that negative reference point. Our race relations and other relationships will not get better until we stop making judgements based on reference points. Reference points were and are sometimes necessary for survival but other times they could prevent us from making a decision based on that situation. From being able to experience a new relationship or a different relationship with someone who is trying to change. Our brains tend to remember more negative experiences than positive ones. Prejudging what someone will do or their intent has caused many to lose their lives, not gain employment, many relationships to stop before they even start and so much more. Try to make judgments based on the facts of that situation. Don't prejudge how someone will treat you or their actions towards you. Leave room for a new narrative to be made. Any relationship where we are unable or unwilling to reset a negative reference point is doomed. If there is an issue, express how you are feeling or things that bother you but leave room for the person to grow and change. Get to know a person of a different race, explore new relationships. According to my uncle, when issues arise, speak your truth, but speak it in love.